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We're all mad here
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I kicked a cat the other day . . .
today a giant sabertooth from the depths of time bit me

capsicleandmetalman:

deadxlast:

pianorocknroll:

you know how every girl in the world has a secret code with her girlfriends for when they need a tampon well when I was younger the code was ‘japan is attacking, do you have supplies’ I feel like I shouldn’t have to explain the joke but just to be safe

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Oh my fucking god

Mine was “I’ve got red on my ledger and I’d like to wipe it out.”

fonesecks:

saying “come over” to someone who lives 92657 miles away

doritosmakeherdance:

"Does she get drunk and ruin family parties?"

winterthirst:

chris evans + left boob + text posts aka i’m so sorry

durbikins:

For the past two days, this little dinosaur has been hitchhiking on my side mirror.image

And every time I go back to my car, he’s just chilling on top of the mirror, ready to go.

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The dude’s hella confused though. He sees himself in the mirror and tries to attract himself to himself

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And sometimes it looks like he fell off …

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nope!

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bootipop:

I got one of those sleeping masks you put over your eyes to keep the light out of your eyes and i was like “haha I wonder what this looks like on” so i took it to the mirror and put it on and then I realized the flaw in my plan

liamschesthair:

i’m obsessed with buying cute underwear and it’s sad bc i don’t even show them to cute boys but like man when ur wearing some rlly pretty panties it’s like ur confidence increases by 1000%

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vexingholmes:

occupation: inappropriate friend who makes sexual jokes despite being a fucking virgin

poodlepunk:

this is the best omegle conversation i’ve had so far

poodlepunk:

this is the best omegle conversation i’ve had so far